Drunk Space

While underneath the barest minimum for signification of drunkeness, one idle fop with a lax jaw exclaimed the bounty of the universes resonate in a singularity the size of a cup of ale. Although it be true that this resident slob knew whole heartedly the consequences of inveterate drunkeness when appealed to by the earnest and brimming face of sobriety, let it be said that his notations on the consistency and character of our world held true only when he was soused.

The rectification of early misnomers of curved space was rectified by this obtuse buffoon with the now-obvious statement that the universe exists of both sober and drunk space. Before hand, astronomers and their black sheep astrologer compatriots were attempting to get a handle on the quantum universe of the carried-off observer, and were ill versed to speak on Einstein's physics equations penned in long hand and sans notation during his infamous drinking bouts. It is here that our protagnoist delivered the saintly and decisive academic blow that was tantamount to a rocket launching party's success, filled with live video footage of Exploder One sojourning through the non-explosive heavens. He merely laid the distinction between drunk and sober space out on a cocktail napkin in decisive cursive, thereby adding to astrophysicist's repetoire of language the hence decoded supple notations of Einsteinian pre-quantum three-sheets-to-the-wind relativity. It is hereby announced that the distinction of spaces instantaneously prolgumated the creation of two camps, those who verily habitated the availible drunk space and those who squarely took up residence in designated sober space.

Drunk space constitutes the grey area around the atmosphere of the earth where libidinous beverages may be procured for not under two dollars at any establishment, and be used to forthwith traverse this space in a regalia of bountiful emotions known as levity, good humour, bad humour, and anatagonism. Many a story of these lands ends with a supple disgorgement of the night's dinner into the purse of a young lady, as many a story also ends with fulminous sexual congress taking place between strangers who had not the wits to be tested for AIDS. It should be noted that despite the astronometric perils of drunk space, that it is indeed a lively territory wrought with jubilation, and it is the sole quantum function of an observer to decide whether he is sufficiently wasted or not.

Those that inhabit sober space it may be reasoned nearly always aspire to the normative lifestyle, one with as little conflict for procurement of lifestyle commodities as possible. They generally work in offices, use nose-hair trimmers, and otherwise keep their negligent thoughts to themselves.

Drunk space exhibits a curious and startling disinhibiting effect on those caught with in its physical laws, leading their speech to undulate in pantomimes of adolescent language rife with vernacular enthusiasms pertaining to bodily functions and or sexual congress. It may be witnessed that drunk space is quantum in nature as it is percievable only to the yeast-imbibing individual who by no means is aware of the parallel sober space, whether or not nearby passerbys are inhabiting it cocurrently with the observer's drunk space.

It must be noted that the continum underlying these two types of space constitute different times, as it must further be reasoned that these two space-times may not be occupied at either the same point in space nor at the same point in time, for it would negate the known locutions of either spaces.

It is with joyous heart that I iterate that the findings of drunk space are heavenly and to be aspired to at all bodily costs, and it is with no regret that I henceforth move to occupy it at this current point in time to report its effects upon the formerly sober personage.